drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
