can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
