the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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