she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize