He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
