Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
