the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize