I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
