I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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