Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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