Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
