Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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