I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
