Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
