Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
