DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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