There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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