Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize