the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
