I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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