i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
