You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
