Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
