i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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