I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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