plz talk dirty to me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
