I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
