he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
