She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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