My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
