Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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