where am i from again
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
whose parrot is this?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
