Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
