meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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