Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
