If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
