who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize