She's JV to your varsity
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
