Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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