I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
