So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
