never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
