I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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