he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
smell my finger.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
