I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
