Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
