you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
