Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
