what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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