I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
