God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
