lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
