WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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