I accidentally had phone sex last night
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize