We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
