I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
where are my eyebrows?
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