There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
