Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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