oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
