idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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