Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
