the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just invented taco cereal.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
