dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
