so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
