I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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