k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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