I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
