hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
