She is in my trunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
