i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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