My girlfriend figured out who you are.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
