put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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