It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
