on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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