I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
