he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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