well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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