im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
