I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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