The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
