Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
