We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
