For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
