I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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