Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
