if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
FUCK WHALES
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