Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
