Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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