Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
