I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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