did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
