I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have feelings that need drinking.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize