i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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