If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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