problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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