I can text with my tongue
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
